Football Matters—But Not More Than Family
JV football lives in a strange space. It matters a lot, but it’s not everything. It asks for commitment, accountability, and toughness, while also sitting squarely in the middle of a young person’s life that includes family obligations, school expectations, faith, jobs, and simply growing up. As coaches, we walk that line every single season—trying to teach kids what it means to be committed to a team, while also teaching them what actually matters when the pads come off.
And here’s the truth that took me longer than I’d like to admit to fully embrace:
Football is important. But it is not the most important thing.
At the JV and sub-varsity level, one of our most impactful responsibilities isn’t just teaching Power, run fits, or leverage—it’s teaching perspective. It’s teaching players how to prioritize football within a healthy life, not over it. And it’s modeling that same balance ourselves as coaches.
Teaching Players What Truly Comes First
Every season, at some point, a player will come to you and say they need to miss practice. It might be for a family obligation, an academic commitment, a religious event, or something that simply matters more in that moment. Early in my career, I treated those moments like inconveniences. I’d mentally tally the reps lost, the install missed, the timing thrown off.
Now? I see them as teaching moments.
Because if we don’t teach kids that family and school come before football, then football is teaching them the wrong lesson.
JV players are still forming their values. They’re learning how to manage time, responsibility, and pressure. When we reinforce that academics matter, that family obligations are respected, and that life doesn’t stop because there’s practice at 2:30, we’re helping them become better people—not just better players.
That doesn’t mean football isn’t a commitment. It is. We should absolutely teach players to honor their commitments, communicate early, and respect the team. But commitment doesn’t mean blind obedience. It means understanding priorities and making responsible choices.
When a player comes to me and says, “Coach, I have to be at this family event,” I don’t question their toughness. I appreciate their honesty. And I remind them to communicate early, stay caught up, and be ready when they return.
That’s life prep.
Commitment vs. Rigidity
There’s a difference between teaching commitment and enforcing rigidity. JV football should be firm, not fragile—but it should never be cruel. Rigid programs lose kids. Flexible programs develop them.
When players feel like football is an all-or-nothing ultimatum, they either burn out or walk away. When they feel respected and supported, they buy in deeper. Ironically, giving players grace often leads to more commitment, not less. That grace doesn’t mean chaos. It means structure with understanding.
We tell our players:
Family comes first.
School comes second.
Football is important—but it’s third.
And when kids understand that hierarchy, they stop feeling trapped. They stop hiding things. They communicate better. And when they are at practice, they’re locked in—because they chose to be there.
Modeling Priorities as Coaches
Here’s the uncomfortable part: players don’t just listen to what we say. They watch what we do.
If we tell kids that family matters, but we’re constantly missing family dinners, ignoring our spouse, or acting like football is the only thing that exists, the message rings hollow. JV players notice. They always do. One of the most powerful lessons we can teach without ever saying a word is how we manage our own lives.
When players see a coach leave practice on time to make a family event, talk about their kids with pride, respect other coaches’ work and life obligations, and set boundaries without guilt, they learn that football fits into life—not the other way around. That’s not weakness. That’s leadership.
Creating Healthy Boundaries at Home
Coaching JV football is time-consuming. Film, planning, meetings, texts, emails—it never really stops unless you let it. And if you’re not careful, it will take more than it gives.
I’ve learned that being a good coach starts with being a present husband, father, and professional outside of football.
That means:
Setting clear times when football work stops. When I walk through that door after a practice, there’s a moratorium on football talk until the kids are in bed. That’s family time. That’s wife time. In the off-season, when the kids are awake, football is put away. When we’re sitting around at night just watching tv, I’ll pull it back out, but I try to be as present with my family when they’re around as I can.
Protecting family meals when possible: During the season, I make it a priority to eat with my family. Luckily, my girls do cheer at school after my practices, so that means they bring dinner to me. But we still eat as a FAMILY. In the off-season, I’m always home for dinner. After school meetings and trainings should never go past dinner time in the off-season.
Communicating schedules early and honestly: Google calendar is a GODSEND. As soon as our game schedule and Varsity’s schedule is out, it’s on the calendar. When I’ve got our practices set, it’s on the calendar. When we’ve got clinics or meetings, again, it’s on the calendar, but it’s on there as early as humanly possible. Same for my wife with our family events. Having that clear picture ahead of time has saved so much stress these past few years.
Not bringing every frustration home: My wife is a great sounding board, but she didn’t sign up to listen to me bitch about how Timmy missed his kickout block 10 times in practice today. Just like you need to prioritize family time, you need to make sure you’re prioritizing what needs to be talked about football wise. If something is really weighing heavy, ask your wife if you can discuss it with her. But don’t bog her down with everything.
Your family didn’t sign up for football season—but they live through it with you. They sacrifice time, energy, and attention so you can pour into your players. Acknowledging that and honoring it matters. One of the healthiest things I’ve done as a coach is schedule non-negotiable family time during the season. Even if it’s brief. Even if it’s inconvenient. Those moments refill the tank in ways football never can.
Balancing Career, Coaching, and Life
Most JV coaches aren’t full-time football coaches. We’re teachers, professionals, parents, and community members who coach because we love it—not because it’s our entire identity. That balance is hard. But it’s also essential.
Burned-out coaches don’t develop players well. They rush, snap, and lose perspective. Balanced coaches teach better, communicate clearer, and lead with patience. It’s okay to delegate responsibilities, trust your assistant coaches, say no sometimes, and miss a non-essential football event. Football benefits when you’re healthy, present, and fulfilled—not when you’re exhausted and resentful.
Teaching Players Through Actions, Not Just Words
JV football is where habits are formed. Not just athletic habits—but life habits.
When players see us respect family time, emphasize academics, communicate clearly, and show grace without lowering standards, they learn how to be men who balance responsibility with commitment. That’s a win that doesn’t show up on the scoreboard—but it shows up years later.
Football teaches discipline, resilience, teamwork, and accountability. But it should never become the thing that replaces family, education, or personal growth. At the JV level, our job isn’t to squeeze every ounce of football out of kids. It’s to use football to help shape them—then send them home better than they arrived. If we do that, the wins take care of themselves.
Football matters. JV football matters. But it’s not bigger than family. It’s not bigger than school. And it’s not bigger than life. When we teach players that truth—and live it ourselves—we don’t just build better teams. We build better people.
And that’s the real win.
Teach it. Rep it. Build it.
That’s the JV way.
