I hate the look.
You know the one.
It’s not from a defensive coordinator staring down 3rd and short. It’s not from a ref after a sideline warning. It’s not even from a kid who just missed a block.
It’s from the stands.
Arms crossed. Head shaking. That subtle lean over to another parent followed by the whisper you know isn’t supportive.
“Why isn’t my kid playing more?”
“Why are they running the same plays?”
“Why aren’t they trying to win this game?”
And if you’ve coached JV football for more than five minutes, you’ve felt it.
Because here’s the reality nobody really prepares you for when you step into sub-varsity coaching:
You’re not just coaching players. You’re coaching expectations.
The Shift Nobody Talks About
For a lot of families, JV football is their first real introduction to “school football.” And they come in carrying years of experience from youth leagues—some great, some… not so much.
And let’s be honest: youth football can be cutthroat.
Scoreboards matter
Trophies matter
Playing time is often tied to ability (or politics)
Winning is the priority
So when those same parents step into the JV world, they bring that mindset with them.
They expect:
The best players to play all the time
The playbook to expand weekly
The goal to be undefeated
And then they run into us. A bunch of JV coaches talking about development, reps, fundamentals, and long-term growth. And it doesn’t always compute.
Because to them, it sounds like we’re saying winning doesn’t matter. But that’s not what we’re saying at all.
We’re saying “Winning matters—but development matters more.”
Because at this level, wins are temporary. Development is permanent.
Reframing the Mission
One of the biggest mistakes we can make as JV coaches is assuming parents understand our mission. They don’t.
Not because they don’t care—but because nobody has clearly explained it to them. So we have to own that.
From Day One, we need to communicate:
What JV football is
What our goals are
How success is measured
And we need to be clear, direct, and consistent.
Here’s how I frame it to our parents:
“Our job is not just to win games this season. Our job is to prepare your sons to contribute on Friday nights at the varsity level. Everything we do is built with that in mind.”
That doesn’t mean we ignore the scoreboard. We compete. We prepare. We want to win. But we are not going to sacrifice long-term growth for short-term results.
That means:
Kids will play multiple positions
Younger or less experienced players will get reps
We will run our system—even when it’s not perfect yet
Because the goal isn’t just to win this game. It’s to build players who can win those games later.
Show Them What Development Looks Like
Telling parents about development is one thing. Showing them is another. If all they see is a scoreboard, they’re going to judge you by wins and losses.
So we have to give them a different lens. We do that by highlighting growth.
“Your son’s footwork has improved a ton in the last two weeks.”
“He’s starting to understand his reads better.”
“His effort on special teams has been outstanding.”
Now the conversation shifts. It’s not just:
“Did we win?”
It becomes:
“Is my kid getting better?”
And when parents start to see that improvement—when they understand that their child is developing skills, confidence, and knowledge—they begin to buy in. Because at the end of the day, every parent wants the same thing; For their kid to succeed. We just have to help them redefine what success looks like.
Involve Them in the Process
If you want buy-in, you can’t keep parents at arm’s length. You have to bring them into the program. Not necessarily into coaching decisions—but into the culture. Give them roles. Give them ownership. Give them ways to contribute.
Here are a few things that I have tried and want to try this season:
Game Day Support
Chain crew
Sideline organization
Filming games
Managing equipment
These roles matter. They make game day run smoothly. And they give parents a sense of purpose beyond the stands.
Team Meals
Nothing builds culture like food.
Organize weekly or bi-weekly team meals and have parents help coordinate:
Sign-up sheets
Hosting
Food prep
Now they’re not just watching the team—they’re helping build it.
Team Events
Pasta dinners
Film nights
End-of-season banquets
Parents love being part of these moments. It connects them to the program in a positive way.
Communication Channels
Set up:
Weekly emails
Group messaging apps
Simple updates on practice focus or game plans (broad, not detailed)
When parents feel informed, they feel included. And when they feel included, they’re far more likely to support what you’re doing.
Be Proactive, Not Reactive
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is this: if you don’t communicate your vision early, you’ll end up defending it later. And that’s a much harder place to be.
So don’t wait for issues to arise. Address the big topics up front:
Playing time philosophy
Development vs. winning
Position changes
Expectations for behavior (players and parents)
Lay it all out. You don’t have to be harsh—but you do need to be clear. Because clarity prevents conflict.
When Parents Struggle to Buy In
Now let’s address the elephant in the room.
Not every parent is going to get it. No matter how well you communicate. No matter how much you involve them. No matter how clear your vision is. Some parents are going to struggle. And when that happens, you have to handle it the right way.
First: Listen
Before you respond, listen. Let them talk. Let them vent. Let them feel heard. Because a lot of the time, what sounds like criticism is really just concern. They care about their kid. That’s not a bad thing.
Second: Re-center the Conversation
Bring it back to the mission:
“I understand where you’re coming from. Our focus at this level is development, and we’re making decisions based on what will help your son grow and prepare for varsity.”
Stay calm. Stay consistent. Don’t get pulled into arguments about individual plays or snap counts. Keep it big picture.
Third: Be Honest
If a player needs to improve in a certain area—say it. Respectfully. Clearly. Constructively. Parents may not like hearing it, but they’ll respect honesty far more than vague answers.
Fourth: Set Boundaries
This is important. You can be approachable without being a pushover.
Don’t discuss playing time immediately after games
Don’t engage in sideline debates
Keep conversations professional and scheduled
Because once boundaries disappear, so does your ability to lead effectively.
Build a Culture They Can See
At the end of the day, buy-in doesn’t come from one meeting or one speech.
It comes from consistency.
It comes from building a culture that is visible.
Kids playing hard
Kids supporting each other
Kids improving week to week
Coaches teaching, not just yelling
When parents see that—when they feel that—they start to understand. They start to trust. And trust is the foundation of buy-in.
The Bigger Picture
Here’s the truth:
Most parents don’t actually care about JV wins and losses as much as we think they do. What they care about is:
Is my kid being coached?
Is my kid improving?
Is my kid being treated the right way?
If the answer to those questions is yes, the rest tends to fall into place. But if we lose sight of that—if we chase wins at the expense of development—we might make people happy in the moment, but we fail them in the long run.
Final Thoughts
Getting parent buy-in at the JV level isn’t about convincing people to lower their expectations. It’s about helping them understand a different timeline.
A bigger picture.
A longer game.
It’s about showing them that what we’re building isn’t just for this season—it’s for the future of the program and the growth of their kids.
And when we do that right—when we communicate clearly, involve them meaningfully, and stay consistent in our mission—we don’t just gain their support.
We earn their trust.
And that trust?
That’s what turns a group of parents in the stands into a community behind your program.
So keep teaching.
Keep repping.
Keep building.
Because at this level, the wins that matter most don’t always show up on the scoreboard.
